he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
