just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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