He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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