First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
