Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
