gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
soo... how was my night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
