In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
