Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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