He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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