I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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