I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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