you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
