we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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