you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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