OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't notice because vodka
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
