if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
