hell yes lets make some ravioli
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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