Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
