we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
