He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
