god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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