Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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