I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
