GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize