On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
