Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How naked do you want me to be?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
