I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
