I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
