It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
