your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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