i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
