the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize