Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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