perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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