It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
