He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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