I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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