We're facebook friends in real life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
