well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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