Already got asked if we're dating
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
