Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
