She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize