I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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