Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Quick, to the slutcave!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Randomize
