My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
