ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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