pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
