Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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