I just pynch a tree in the face
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
