11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
