I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
