I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize