I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
