i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize