either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
one might say we're banned from that church
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
