just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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