I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
