He kissed a someone with a penis
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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