i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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