thus making me awesome and them whores
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize