I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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