I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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