So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish i was in the wii world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
