He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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