Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think your dad took our porno
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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