the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
