There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love having hate sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
