all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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