dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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