Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
