I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
