just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
