u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
