And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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