just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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