GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
