Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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