the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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