Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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