while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
