i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
