Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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