We won't sleep together?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
