He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
