Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
