just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'd cum for enchiladas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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