Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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