glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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