why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize