Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
