Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize